You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
