I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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