Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
