when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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