i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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