Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
