first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
