Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
