Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
