his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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