As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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