I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
