you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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