idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
