I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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