if you like me you must not know who I am
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you didnt know i had herpes?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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