Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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