Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
