Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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