On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
