We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
