Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Blood and glitter go together right?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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