Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
