I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
50% drunk capacity currently
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
