Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
