no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
