He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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