i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
