..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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