This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
