Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize