I'm sorry my penis didn't work
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
