Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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