I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
