I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
