I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
