im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
