I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
