New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
