its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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