I accidentally had phone sex last night
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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