why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
