Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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