Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
