Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
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