for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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