Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
