I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
