the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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