I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
