Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
