FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm too high and old for this...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
