Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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