Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
