So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
