the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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