Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
