shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
