I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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