i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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