Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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