Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
