i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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