and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
