I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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