Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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