I feel great
I just peed on a car
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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