He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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