opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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